A Night at the League Bar
by Yuksu
Summary: A collection of stories involving various champions and alcohol tolerances.
1. Piltover Night at the Bar

Jayce and Vi were at it again, bickering and mocking each other incessantly. The other patrons were mostly watching in amusement with Jinx trying to interject here and there. Caitlyn had had enough.

"Goodness! Would you two just give it a rest, every night it gives me such a headache."

As they stopped and stared at the sheriff it seemed like her words had reached them before Vi started snorting in laughter. "Yikes Cupcake, calm down we're only messing around, you're just upset _because you don't have any banter._" Vi poorly mimicked Caitlyn's accent much to her partners irritation. Caitlyn looked like she was about to burst a blood vessel. Instead she took a deep breath and burned a look straight through a grinning Vi.

"I don't quite know what you're talking about f-fat hands"

Vi scoffed, "heh, good effort Cupcake but not only was that unoriginal it was also weak."

"Hey!" Jinx tried to look upset but she was too busy being ignored. Jayce tried acting like he wasn't paying attention lest he incur the sheriff's wrath.

Caitlyn had reached the end of her tether and was prepared to play dirty just to gain the upper hand against the mischievous pinkette. Putting on her most surreptitious smirk she decided to pull out the trump card. "Humph, well if this is how you're going to act I guess you can go without the company of_ my cupcakes_ for a while can't you?"

Jayce spat his drink all over the table as everyone else turned their attention promptly away from the conflict. Vi could feel her cheeks warming up as she tried to articulate to the best of her ability. "Cup- Cait- don't, I mean just uhh I."

"You're going to have to make a better apology than that sweetheart. But you can start by calling me _Mistress_." The defender of tomorrow found himself rather warm under the collar so he pulled out a pocket handkerchief and began dabbing his sweating face. Jinx was stealthily recording the entire debacle for blackmail later.

"C'mon Cait that's too much, you know I'm not good at words and shit. I'm only really good with my hands!" This had become too much for Jayce as he almost fainted and would have done if Vi hadn't suddenly decided to notice him and the spontaneous nose bleed he had suffered.

"Oh **_hell_** no hammerhead! You keep that shit in your pants."

"I uh don't know what you mean..." It was at this point things got very physical and by the end of it Vi was worn and breathless, Jayce probably wouldn't be walking the same for a week and Caitlyn was left thoroughly unsatisfied. Jinx had recorded the scene and imagined there would be a few champions who would find great enjoyment from the whole ordeal and be willing to pay for it of course.

* * *

What are you talking about? Caitlyn and Vi are just _good friends _I mean who doesn't a piece of Caitlyns _exquisite _cupcakes.

This was just a short practice work at a funny story, I hope to continue this with other sets of characters obviously. This was written on my phone while I was bored so it may not be properly formatted, I'll edit it properly when I can.

Cinis and his Jinx centric fanfic were my inspiration for this so if you notice any similarities that'll be why.


	2. Noxian Night at the Bar

It was as rowdy as ever when the noxians took over. Currently Katarina and Draven were playing darts in some corner of the bar. Kat winning by far but only because Draven was busy showing off to his fan club trying trick shots and mostly failing horrifically, someone had already lost an eye. This made The Official Draven Fan Club only more excited.

Katarina sighed, "Would you stop fucking around and just play the goddamn game?"

"Whoa there, heheh, easy Red. Never heard of showmanship, huh? Gotta give the people what they want, you know what I'm saying." Draven smirked, closing his eyes and tossing a dart in the vague direction of the dartboard. "Wow, did you see that one guys? It was almost on target, YEAH!"

Katarina's mouth was agape as the ODFC erupted into cheers and squeals, one girl fainted when Draven winked at her. The agitated assassin turned her attention to Talon, and distracted him from whatever romance novel he was reading. "Do you, like, get _this_ at all?" Gesturing to the adoring crowd. "He's such a douche and yet they squeal like pansies whenever he does anything."

The other assassin thought about it for a moment before coming to some sort of a conclusion. "You gotta admit he knows how to put on a show, I mean he may be an insufferable tool but he... um... I don't know where I was going with that sorry-"

"Well I'll see you later losers, Draven is out!" The man himself declared whilst making way for the exit with a fangirl under one arm and a boy under the other.

"Hey, we were in the middle of a game you gigantic shithead!" Kat snarled, her anger issues getting the better of her as she hurled a flurry of knives at the executioner's retreating backside. It would have perfectly skewered his ass if one fan hadn't dived in the way and was now spluttering on the floor.

Draven turned round to inspect the mess. "Hey thanks for that Fred, appreciate it."

"It was... an honour sir."

"Eh whatever, cheers anyway kid, _Draven out_." Kat sulked in a chair, more than a little bit upset she couldn't give the Magnificent Draven the glorious pain in the arse he so rightly deserved.

Talon whistled as he inspected the scene now resolved. "I don't think your counsellor is going to like this one."

"Yeah yeah, what's he gonna do give me more anger management sessions? Anyway, play with me I'm bored." The boy on the other side of the bar was being hauled out on a stretcher. People seemed to be wise enough not to go and bother the cause of the incident.

"Sorry can't, this stories just getting good, Why don't you ask your sister?"

"She's too busy scaring off all the men and making lawn ornaments. Expect a suspiciously well sculpted summoner for Snowdown."

"Darius? He likes a contest."

"Yeah he does, that's why he was thrown out an hour ago for picking four fights at the same time."

"Aww I missed that. Oh well you could always try Riven, she's over there trying to look inconspicuous." Riven was indeed trying not to stand out in the nearest corner of the bar, ducking her head away when the Noxians looked in her direction.

"No way she's such a dork and a lightweight, I'd rather be bored." Talon gave her a doubtful look but chose to remain silently engrossed in his novel. It barely took a minute for Kat to be proven wrong as she strode over to the tanned woman. Riven pretended she hadn't noticed the assassin's approach.

"Exile."

"Oh hey Katarina, I didn't see you there, how long have you guys-"

"Spare me, I'm bored come play darts with me."

"But you guys never- I mean totally yeah, pfft, of course I can hang out with you guys." Riven was trying her hardest _not _to look excited to finally be included by the other Noxians. Reaching the dank corner of the bar the Noxians chose to hang around in Riven greeted Talon by giving him an overly enthusiastic friendly punch on the shoulder. He didn't seem fazed in the least. "Hey Talon, what's up?"

"Hi, Exile, fancy seeing you here." He replied blandly resisting the urge to massage his shoulder. Noxians shouldn't show weakness. "I'm just reading a book... _In peace._"

His tone was clearly lost on Riven, but before she could interrupt him further Katarina yanked her away. "Yo Traitor, let's get this game started. We're starting at 300, I'll go first." Kat instructed handing the darts to Riven.

Slightly confused Riven looked at her hands. "Uhh, won't you be needing..." She began to ask but Katarina had materialised a handful of knives from god knows where answering her question before it was even finished. "Oh, of course."

Plink, triple 20.

Plink, same again.

Katarina hesitated before throwing the last knife, catching a glimpse of the Exile standing awkwardly out of the corner of her eye, supposing she should go easy.

Plink, bullseye.

"There, beat that, Traitor." She taunted taking a moment to smirk before going to retrieve her knives.

"Wow, that was really good Kat, I'm not sure if I can I mean I'm not really good at darts, but I'll try. You're clearly so much better than me." Riven took the time to line up each shot, taking about ten times longer than Kat had for the entire round.

Katarina was too distracted by how much of a dork her opponent looked with her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth each time she tried to shoot to notice Riven had finished her turn. "Done, well I wasn't even close to your score Kat, as I said you're so much better than me that I couldn't hope to even get close to beating you." Rolling her eyes Katarina still felt the satisfaction of winning.

Promptly taken away from her by an intervening Talon. "She's letting you win."

The girls turned, both equally shocked. "Were you letting me win?"

"No! That's silly, why would I let you win?"

Talon answered that question for her. "She doesn't want you to be mad at her and alienate her again, Kitten. Y'know because of your... anger... issues."

The Sinister Blade wasn't sure who to be more mad at, her counsellor was going to have a dream session this week. Steeling her resolve and taking a couple of deep breaths she turned on the Exile. Riven felt like some sort of woodland creatures in the path of Malphite. "_You were letting me win?_"_  
_

"N-No, I wasn't, I can't play darts."

"Alright then, _Riven_, if you are letting me win then maybe we should play with some stakes? BARKEEP! NOXIAN FIREWATER!" Gragas trudged over with the requested beverage and a few shot glasses for the three of them. Talon even took the effort to look away from his gripping book. "Okay Riven let's see what you're made of. Lose a round; take a shot. Lose a game; _finish the bottle._" Katarina shot the Exile a cutting glare, _this was going to be fun_.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea, I-I don't even drink."

"Well _you'd better start winning then__._"

Game 1 was a lot more interesting, even Talon had to admit. Katarina was happy to go easy on the Exile to gauge her actual potential, after all one bottle of good old Noxian Firewater was nothing to the seasoned assassin.

"Alright Riv-ooh, excuse me, alright Riven, not bad, but this time I won't be going easy you."

Game 2 had Riven already begging for mercy, though she did put up a good fight.

Game 3 was more even because the alcohol was had begun to take its toll on the girls making them both equally handicapped. By game 4 Talon had decided to join in on the fun and game 5 was where it all went hazy.

* * *

The next morning Katarina was awoken to an unfamiliar warmness in her bed. She turned to see a white mop of hair on the other side of the bed, upon realising their lack of clothing she decided instead to focus on her pounding hangover.

"Ahem." Talon was grinning in the doorway to Katarina's bathroom. "Had a good time then, Kitten? Things got pretty interesting last night after your fourth bottle. That was when the dares started."

"Well shit that explains some of it... Not hungover too much are you?"

"Oh I didn't drink anything, you two were entertainment enough for the entire bar."

"Uh... huh... then why are you wearing my bra?" Katarina would've been more amused if she didn't have a headache worthy of knocking out Cho'Gath. Talon didn't respond but Kat could imagine there was some sort of embarrassment under the dark hood. "And why were you in my bathroom? Never mind you can leave out the details for that last bit... Just promise me you'll never speak of this and neither will I."

Under the covers Riven stirred and wound her arms around Katarina's bare legs kissing them gently. "Morning honey."

Her counsellor was going to enjoy this one, Kat thought as she pulled a knife out of god knows where. At least this would make her hangover feel better.

* * *

Author's Note: Glad I finally finished this chapter up. Don't expect too frequent updates I have a lot of work on my plate at the moment. Next I wanna work with Jayce the flirt again though. Lemme know if you wanna see something different.


	3. Ladies Night at the Bar

It was ladies night at the bar. Probably the rowdiest planned night of the League bar. Women were not in the League because they were polite, well mannered princesses, even the ones that were actually princesses had a tendency for violence.

That wouldn't stop Jayce though, even though it was technically a ladies night, no one could find a reliable way to keep the womanising creep out.

It was still early in the evening, not late enough for some sort of fight to break out but on the verge of teasing a potential conflict.

Jayce surveyed the scene trying to discern possible targets amongst the rabble. Never one to shy from a challenge Jayce decided to start off strong. Very strong in fact, as he meandered his way towards as certain scaly prey. "Fancy seeing you here Shyvana? You're looking pretty... Hot this evening." Jayce overheard someone gagging behind him but chose to ignore it.

Shyvana seemed too startled by Jayce's unusual comment to be wary of his presence. "Oh uh, hi Jayce, that's probably because I'm part dragon if you didn't know. I've always been like this, you see my father-"

As engrossing as her life story would have been Jayce had to stop her short. "No no you missed my point, I meant to say you look good." He could feel his grasp on the situation slipping as this only left the half-dragon even more confused. "Good as in... Attractive...?" He could almost see the gears working in her mind as she tried to process this new information.

"Are you... Flirting with me? I think I heard about that from Lux."

Jayce would have normally played it cooler but given who he was talking to decided it was better to change tactics. "Well I just thought since we're both heroes in our own state we could get to know each other better and I hear dragon women are _very_ interesting."

Unfortunately this didn't get the reaction he was hoping for, a surprise to everyone of course. "I am sorry Defender of Tomorrow I cannot accept your advances; I am saving myself."

Jayce seemed offended, who could possibly be more interesting than him? "Saving yourself? For who... Or what?" He asked with sudden morbid curiosity. Maybe he didn't want to know what the dragon part of her listed after.

"Well if you must know... It's Prince Jarvan." She murmured dreamily.

"What?! J4? That royal..." His protests fell on deaf ears though as Shyvana had fallen into some sort of love induced coma. You could practically see the hearts in her eyes. "Ah forget it, you can have _your_ prince while the rest of the ladies get Prince Charming."

Scouting out some more of the scenery* Jayce found himself amongst the Ionian crowd. His logic was women that poised and perfect had to tear lose somewhere right? Waiting for the perfect moment he jumped straight in. "Hello ladies I trust you are having a lovely evening?"

Politeness was a famous trait of Ionia, Jayce unfortunately mistook this for legitimate interest as he made small talk. This soon became unbearable even to the well mannered Ionians. "So Akali, what is under that mask? It can't be fair to keep it hidden away from everyone."

This was the last straw. Akali had a short enough temper under normal circumstances but this was not normal circumstance. "You probably don't want to know." She snarled hoping to scare off the offending intruder.

"Oh ho really, well why don't we find out then?"

"I bite."

"All the better." Jayce clearly had some sort of death wish to continue along these lines of conversation. Either that or he was just really dumb.

Jayce was unwittingly saved from long and painful death as his chair collapsed underneath him. Irelia swiftly leaned to help him up. "Oh so sorry, my blades must have accidentally sawn through your chair, sometimes I just can't control these things. Anyway we were just going to go to the bathroom weren't we girls?"

In agreement they all all got up to go to the little girls room. "Sure, why don't you girls... Do that I'll be here when you get back." They grimaced and hurried off without looking back. Jayce knew he'd been abandoned. He wasn't as stupid as everyone seemed to think, he was just very persistent and believed he could get anything by simply trying long and hard enough. _Maybe I should use that one as a pick up line_ he thought to himself before going to find fresh prey.

His efforts were ironically long and fruitless but things started to pick up as the night moved along and so did the booze. Jayce eventually managed to strike up a conversation with a couple of pretty young summoners but just as he was starting to think things were looking up a force unlike no other managed to intervene and ruin everything. "Heads up pretty boy!" Vi declared as she wrestled him into a headlock. "Say uncle hammerhead or it only gets worse."

The two summoners took the momentary distraction to retreat. It didn't matter anyway, Jayce's ego was already shot. "Fine uncle uncle... Great thanks for that pinky. I was finally getting somewhere too." He sighed as he fixed his messed up hair.

"Oh fuck, I'm sorry Jayce I didn't know, I didn't mean to scare them off."

"Yes you did."

"Well no shit, dork." Vi chided slapping him on the shoulder for emphasis. "They looked like 6/10s at best anyway, what's really eating you up?" Vi sounded so concerned it was unnerving and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder as she ordered two drinks.

"Well... I'm not having the best of luck lately to be honest, I've been trying all night and getting no where. I think I might be off my game." Jayce couldn't believe he was confiding in the Enforcer of all people, but he couldn't tell anyone else in case they thought less of him. As it turned out it was in fact impossible for Vi to think any less of him.

Vi was silent until the drinks came an she handed one to Jayce, presumably as some sort of peace offering. "Well I can't say you're wrong."

"Thanks Vi, insightful as always."

"Don't be like that I wasn't finished, this might just be some sort of slump you're in. I wouldn't worry about it I mean you've got so much to offer. You're a hero, dude and on top of that your smart and good looking."

"Wait you think I'm good looking? I thought you were... Well you know." Jayce trailed off, hope hanging in the air.

"What are you talking about? _You _are exactly my type... strong, cute, _a girl_." And with that everything came crashing down, a smirk grew on Vi's arrogant face.

"Great... It hurts ten times more when you do it this way, as part of some elaborate prank. Good one, I'll be sure to get you back for this." Jayce wasn't quite sure how to feel anymore as he made way for the exit.

"Yo where you going baby? I love it when you walk away from me." Vi jeered and laughed when Jayce raised one finger over his shoulder in retort.

Outside the bar he realised he could really use a smoke to calm down and fumbled around his coat for a spare cigarette or something. That was when a kindly stranger offered him one. Turning to thank his saviour he was surprised to see Ahri hovering, literally hovering, over him.

"You are most welcome oh Defender of Tomorrow~" She purred sensuously lighting the cigarette with a little fox fire. "I couldn't help but notice you having a little trouble in there so I followed you out here hoping I could be of some... _Assistance_~"

Jayce gulped almost disbelieving of the situation he found himself in. "What sort of assistance are we talking about here?"

"Well if you follow me back to my room you might just find out, I can certainly promise you plenty of excitement though~"

Back at the room Jayce sighed. "I think our definitions of excitement might differ just a bit." He said dangling a ball of yarn in front of a prone fox. "Aren't foxes more closely related to dogs than cats by the way?"

"Shh less talking, you talk too much girls don't like that."

* * *

Author's Note: Maybe Jayce would learn something after all. Maybe.

I love the idea of a Jayce-Vi rivalry where Jayce felt like the coolest guy in Piltover before Vi came along and realised how much a nerdlord he really is.


End file.
